No, I wasn’t pregnant before we got married. We decided that we were not going to use any form of contraception due to the fact that I had tried countless forms and they all reacted negatively with my body, and we wanted and trusted the Lord to open and close my womb.
I didn’t always want to be a mother. This life that I have now I would have never imagined it fifteen years ago. I had this picture of working in a high corporate building and working my ass off to the top, child-free and “living the life.”
Then I met my husband. Well, I guess not met but rekindled what we had back in high school, and that picture-perfect impression of my life switched gears. Then something even more dramatic happened in my life, I became a born again Christain, and that threw my plans for even more of a loop. I not only wanted to be a mother now but I wanted to be a stay at home mom.
I do not think what we imagine our lives will be like as a child or teenager ever fully pans out. There are too many variables in our day to day that happen. Life is extremely unpredictable and tends to throw us off our paths in an instant.
I became a mom just nine months after my wedding day.
The exact moment my first child was placed on my chest, after those nine months of feeling her kicks, singing and talking to her even if I had no idea if she could hear and daydreaming of what she would look like, I was utterly ruined. Never would I be the same or would my life be.
Becoming a mother on that day ruined what I ever thought life would be like forever. No longer would I be caring for just myself and my husband but rather I was responsible for this little life. No longer would I go straight to bed like before but every night I now sneak in as quietly as possible just to make sure
she they are okay.
Each and every time a baby was placed on my chest, I was ruined all over again.
Today I glanced over to my fridge to see it plastered in an array of colorful images made just for me. My heart swelled with pride and thankfulness.These little humans are my everything. They drive me bat nuts crazy from time to time but I would always choose this life. I would always choose to be torn from the ideals of what I thought life was going to be like to become a mother.
I would always choose to be beautifully and utterly, ruined.
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