There are seasons in life for everyone I believe. Seasons
where life is full and bright and seasons where you feel like you are running
on empty each day and it is dark all around. These seasons can last for a month,
a year and some cases longer. You or they may experience a little sunny break
here and there but the clouds may come rolling in shortly after. When those
clouds are hovering over, what a friend really needs is grace and
and from my friends. If you know my story the past two years have had me going
through the clouds looming over to the sun poking through and then back again
comes those dreadful dark billows. It started
when we lost our first baby Eden, then our second baby Ezra, followed by my
father, then our third baby Elijah. This all sent me into a depression. The sun
came when I was able to travel to India back in May. This trip was the purest of
joy that my life needed at that moment. Now, my illness with our current pregnancy along with a friends daughter recently passing
has those clouds hovering over once again.
you read this please do not judge and think I do not care. That I do not know
just how much of a gift this is, because I KNOW! I have lost three babies so if anyone knows, it is me. Being sick every day has
really been playing with my emotions. I am not a person who can hide my
feelings. It is how I have always been. I’ve tried and it just makes things
worse. I need to communicate them, it’s how I process and work through it all.
lay on the couch or in my bed each day. And then a million more than watch my
house become a disaster zone. I would love to embrace each day, enjoy the
sunshine, go out with that friend who keeps asking, take my kids for a walk, be
intimate with my husband, clean the toilets and make dinner all week. But right
now, right now I just cannot and trust me I have tried. I have the odd good days
and I really, really pray that these come more and more. However, most of my
days are spent trying my best to not vomit and keeping my eyes open.
those friends and family that may be feeling neglected by me, I think about you
each day. And if you think I might not be, I am. I want to say, “Let’s go for
coffee.” I want to take you up on your offer for play dates or if you are one
of my friends without kiddos, I WANT to hear what is new in your life. I want
to be able to answer the door when you pop by. I do, I really, really do. Each
night I think tomorrow will be better and maybe I will get some things done,
maybe I will be feeling better to call or text and arrange to get together but
it just doesn’t happen and if it does it is spent with my family who is the
ones that are suffering the most right now from me being sick.
want to go out and if I can not please understand. And if you are reading this
and you have a friend that is in a situation that is bringing those billows
overhead, give them grace. Do not forget about them. I’m pregnant but they could
be battling depression, anxiety, a loss of a child or family member or a
situation that it is super stressful and emotionally draining. They need you, just in a different way right now.