I’m leaving tomorrow, tomorrow. I am in utter disbelief. I wish I could take you every step of the way with me on this grand adventure but I will not be able to have access to much wifi and when I do it will be to communicate with my family.
Here are some thoughts as I prepare to leave.
I need this. I have expressed before how much heartache I have suffered over the past few years. The stress of a bad home situation, the losses of my three babies and my father passing away. With all of that, I lost who I was. Sure she came up once and awhile when I thought I didn’t need help. When I thought I could just push it all inside, in the dark abyss of the pain I didn’t want to face. But it always would resurface and with greater chains than before. My soul as a mother and as a woman needs this time away to purge and let go of all that pain. To be thankful, not just say it but deep down thankful.
What was I thinking? This is going to be the hardest thing I am ever going to do up till now. They may still be something over the horizon but for now, I wrestle with what has been. I have cried each day for a week about saying goodbye at the airport. Knowing the pain and guilt I will feel. But again, I know I need this. They need me to leave so I can be who I once was, or better, someone who will have grown and matured into more than before.
I cannot wait for the adventure ahead. How amazing is this? Me; a mom of 3 will be traveling, alone, sans children. Some may not have been able to fathom it but I know with everything that I was meant to go. Seven years in the waiting.
Oh, the Chai and the food that I will gladly feast upon is what dreams are made of! There’s nothing like authentic!
Will they remember me? Yes, I know this is soo silly but it is something that I fear. Lies that have clouded my mind before seem to put fear in me once again. However the love that they show me each day, deep down I know they will and will be anticipating my arrival as I will be anticipating seeing their sweet faces when I return.
I have a many more thoughts but I will leave the rest to pen and paper. Let the adventure begin!