When I first started blogging it was to keep my family updated on my adventures in Kaleo (an 8-month bible college program.) It was there I established my love for writing, almost eight years ago now. After Kaleo finished and I had my first child shortly after, it then became an outlet once again to write about being a mother along with my faith journey until finally, this past January I wanted to buckle down and be consistent and make something out of my writing.
It has been a whirlwind of learning all the in’s and out’s of the blogging world. Not all of it is appealing, but I enjoy all the good stuff, mostly the community. Not only from other bloggers but also the ones who have come along on this journey with me by reading regularly. Finding out that I enjoy seeking out brands that I can really get on board with has been another bonus. Ones that fit my lifestyle and I would love partnering together with. However, to most in this blogging world, I am but a number. A number from Google Analytics that states how valuable I am.
Sounds sort of futuristic does it not? It is sadly the truth for most brands. Not all, but most. (I have been very lucky with the ones that have not looked at my numbers but what I can bring to the table.) It is one of the first things that is asked when applying to and seeking out a brand. How many followers do you have on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Google+, the list goes on for pretty much all social media outlets. The higher the number, the more value you are. Which I guess does make sense, you reach more people, more people see their brand. But what about engagement and those that actually are part of your community, not just following along and forget they even followed you a week later.
There have been many times these past few months that I have been rejected by brands that I wanted to work with. Ones that I knew that I could be of value to, but in their eyes, I guess not so much. I know that I can not be a right fit for everyone. I know this. None the less it has made me need to stop and remember that is not where my true worth is. I have this tendency to go full force when I start something. I’m not going to lie, I want to be successful. It’s just who I am. I am one of those “need to see results fast” type personalities, please no judging. I compare to other bloggers and have to say, “Shannon, they have been doing this for way longer and worked hard to get where they are at, give yourself time.” The pressure to get those numbers up get to me way too much and it is time to stop.
My worth is in Christ and not in a number that Google Analytics pumps out. God will put the right people in place and the right brands as well. I need to trust him and I need to remember that this is not the real reason I am in this. It has been one of the bonuses, not the purpose. I love to write and be raw and open because there isn’t a lot of that anymore. In our culture, we are mostly closed off in our sufferings and shortcomings. I don’t want to loose that. Yes, my writing lately has seemed really dark and miserable but that is only because of the trails I am currently in and that I am open to sharing, in my weaknesses I am made strong. It what naturally will flow out as I sit down and type at this season in my life. That is why I am in love with Earnest Hemingway’s quote, “There is nothing to writing, all you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”
I am not a number. I am a daughter of Christ and this is me, sitting down and bleeding out for all to see. Take me as I am. Thank you, to those that do!